The Way You Shine

Contradict

Keep on believing your right, because maybe you are but I could be too. Keep on saying straight up shit  but only because you can only say that shit to me. I’m not afraid to hurt your feelings as well as your not afraid to hurt mine. And don’t say that I’m the first to bring it up because you were the one to cause this massacre between us. “I’m hella sad because I hella miss her and I’m crying because blah blah blah”. I’ve heard this so many times already. I stood to listen, because I saw you more than just my friend. I stayed here for you, because I loved you more than most of the stars that shined as bright. To you? I could say anything without feeling embarassed or feeling that your judging every word that comes out of my mouth. I feel like I’m put in this because all three of you guys tell me shit, and I’m not trying to put any of them on blast with you when you ask. You do ask me so don’t contradict. But I tell you I can’t and before I thought you knew. Before I realized that I could tell you everything, whether it hurt me it hurt you it hurt them. And right now, how your acting, how your attitude is so sour like sour patch kids. And now with that said, I’m waiting for it to turn sweet all of a sudden. I wish it were to happen. I wish this thing could stop, but apparently its not going to stop because here we are sending eachother blog spots one after another.

I’m sorry, I wasn’t being sympathetic after hearing all your feelings about her, but the thing is I’m always sympathetic with you, about her. ALL THE TIME when you tell me things when you tell me about her. YOUR the one telling me about her, Me.. You know I’m in background trying to get you to not think about her. Trying to make you feel special, trying to make you feel like your mine. Mine? Yeah. Mine. Your the only kiddo I can talk to everyday without getting cramps in my fingers, and already knowing what to say and when we have a huge pause in our text a nation we come up again like we got a novel to say. What you said was right about me. No doubt about it. I’m not going to deny and fight for myself when I know that its true.

I do not meet you half way, when I say things to you I erase it completely just to hurt a couple that I’ve known for so long. I’m not even in this fued, and I completely wanna stay out of. I’m always crushing your feelings, your hopes, and dreams in order for me to HURT YOU before you’d get hurt anymore. And now, I feel like an apology is in order on account of its always me fighting back with the same shit and you having new flesh to write. I’m sorry Fave, I really am. The only reason why I talk about her sometimes is because I feel like she’s so part of your life that I want to be someone who you can talk to, and want our friendship to grow from that.

I guess it was my contradict as much as it was with yours. But you shouldn’t be such a sour patch that doesn’t know when to turn back to sweet. That’s not the Fave I want to talk to and thats not the Fave I love so dearly. I do love you for who you are and everything your not. Inside and out. But it doesn’t mean I have to deal with this sour patch. But I do… Because I know you don’t want to be so hot headed right now. TAAA-RUST! Thats if.. I know you still can.

Subtitle

I remind you she has a boyfriend, because you really don’t get where I’m coming from. I didn’t even want to be in this stupid arguement. Honestly why can’t you be a fucking man and fucking call me and say it to my face. I’m not going to be the one to ALWAYS fucking make you laugh or always fucking going first to say what I need to see in you. Fucking keep my room. Fucking keep your shit. Fucking, I hate when You say you love me, like that’s going to help. If you really did then you’d do the right thing and shut the fuck up, get your act together and fucking settle. Honestly, this is like some middle school shit thats all gone. Wow, go fucking join your stupid cousin’s gang? How epic is that. Yeah, I’m gonna go get myself shot because no one in the fucking world cares. I hate when you say that. Imply it, well who the fuck is still here bothering with this fued, huh. Me. Because why, after all you fucking said, I still am the one to still care and be the better person. And what sucks is this isn’t my fight. What happened to, I don’t want to get you in this. Yeah right, lick my balls you had every intention when trying to get shit out of me. I don’t even think you could even call yourself a friend to me, after what you’ve said commited and done. My first blog about you… I said how much I didn’t want to lose you. Then you text me coming at me. Stop trying to fucking say your not and hitting me back with text messages and your No Idea Blog. Because your being a Catty FUCKING GIRL like all the rest. She’s nice. She’s like this to everyone. She’s the sweetest girl. And I told you to be patient and just wait until something comes out of her mouth to you.

ALL YOU DO IS TALK ABOUT HER! WHEN WE’RE NOT TALKING ABOUT HER, I’M THE ONE MAKING YOU FUCKING LAUGH AND SMILE AND FUCKING TELLING YOU SHIT THAT I WOULD NEVER TELL ANYONE ELSE AND SHOW YOU A SIDE OF ME THAT I’M TO SCARED TO PUT UP WITH EVERYONE. ALL YOU DO IS TALK ABOUT HER! ALL BOTH OF YOU FUCKING GUYS ALL YOU DO IS TALK ABOUT HER! SHE’S ONE OF MY BESTFRIENDS AND I’M THERE FOR HER ALWAYS! AND ALLL YOU DO IS TALK ABOUT HER! DON’T YOU THINK THAT I GET IT. THAT I GET YOUR SO IN LOVE WITH HER,AND OH YOU CAN’T HAVE HER! I GET IT THE WAY YOU GET HOW I REPEAT SAYING SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND. i ADMITT IT WAS WRONG FOR ME TO KEEP ADMITTING IT. YOUR SAD BECAUSE YOU SAY YOU HATE HOW SHE JUST LEFT YOUR FRIENDSHIP. WELL, I CAN’T RESPOND TO THAT BECAUSE ITS NOT MY SAY. I HATE KNOWING THINGS AND NOT TELLING YOU BUT I CAN’T. YOUR NOT MY ONLY FRIEND. AND I WISH YOU’D FUCKING UNDERSTAND.. I TOLD YOU AT THE BEGINNING ALL  YOU GUYS TELL ME STUFF BUT I DON’T SAY IT TO THE OTHER. I’M NOT LIKE THAT. AND FOR YOU. YOUR KILLING OUR FRIENDSHIP WITH THIS SHIT. AND I SAY YOU DON’T CARE BECAUSE IF YOU DID THEN YOU’D CALL ME, APOLOGIZE AND TELL ME TO KEEP OUT, OR GET THE FUCK OUT BEFORE I START GETTING HURT AND FUCKING GETTING STRESSED OVER SOMETHING THAT’S NOT EVEN MY BATTLE! HAH.. YEAH… BECAUSE YOU APPARENTLY DON’T CARE AT ALL!

Batman

Of all the People that I have ever gotten into a fight with or said shit to, you were still the one to handle it. And thats why whenever theres a problem with us… when we see each other its like it never happened. Thanks for the words of God, and the well thought out compliment. You truly are Batman without any super powers of your own.

Your choice

You say it’s my choice to be there for you or to keep picking you up. It’s pathetic how youmake yourself try to be someone who I know your not and it’s more pathetic how you taught me to not listen to anyone besides myself. When I realize it’s yourself who re invents you but it’s the people around you who give you an influence of what to become to do and to pursue. And it just definately kills me how much you make everything of yourself. And how you keep repeating you don’t give a fuck. If that’s the cause then why even bothering we me. Why even talk to me. And why even keep texting me trying to make me feel like crap about myself. Out of everything you’ve said to me. Honestly I’m not being blunt and I’m not trying to keep arguing with you but your always trying to put words in my mouth without even listening. It’s not that it was my choice. It’s the way you kept pursuing me to follow. Your just not listening.

Your Eyes Only

You can honestly give yourself credit for losing a friend who was willing to listen to more than just the same river flowing,but the waterfalls it ended up having everytime the same old thing comes up again. What are we? Married? Yeah I married my Favorite Person in the world, because I committed to trying to comfort you every single day. I committed to making you smile, and making you laugh whether I was having a bad day. I put my heart aches aside and dealed with yours. I was there from the beginning to the middle and as of right now, everytime you begin to do this I start to feel its going to be the “end” when I say the words I hate to say.. Good bye.

I know your going through a tough time but what kills me is that you don’t even get what’s right in front of your eyes. That you don’t get not everything can go your way that all the things you want in life can happen, but it doesn’t mean you got to be chasing pavements. I know you love her. I know there’s more to life than just her. It wasn’t your fault, your timing was bad and God decided to lead your path somewhere else. It wasn’t your fault, communication apparently sucks sometimes. It wasn’t your fault, your straight up, the straightest as a flag pole but people can’t be that way as you.

You can’t just give up everything in your whole life just for someone, someone who is trying to live her life, and someone who I care about as much as I care about you.

We have so many good memories even though our eyes met a few months back. We have hella laughs that are caused by laughing AT eachother… not with. We have so many inside jokes that I swear no one in the world can get. Your my translator and I’m some what your translator oh mr. smarty pants. But beneath it all, you know we go more than beyond every day textes and if needed a phone call between. We have plans, sometimes crushed. We have fights sometimes that last within a day. But all in all… I know I don’t want to lose you. But your just not getting it! Text me, or call me… When you suddenly decide what to do. I’m always going to be your friend. I’m your Favey Baby! And I know your just going through a tough time… But your not the only one.

an incomplete greeting

happy belated birthday. to an important person in my life. not that everyone is important to me but especially to this girl. she’s been there for me since i was born. we’ve been through more adventures than the wild thornberrys and we’re still as close as ever. this year i didnt get to write you a letter as i do every year or make your birthday special like sleeping over or better yet ..making one day of each year for you not to target me as the joke like you do every day. you’ve taught me so much this year. and gave me hard lessons that no one dares to try. out of everyone. you know you can handle me better than anyone and it sickens me to say… i really dont want you to leave next year. yeah its for your own good and its what you want and ill see you when you need a hair cut and maybe holidays but it just wouldnt be the same. all these years of trying to be exactly like you. to gain the strengths you already posses and trying to be your duplicate. you would always get mad but i told you the only reason why i do is because your the only ro-model i follow and the hero i describe in very engis paper. to be exactly like you was hard i admitt. but during that process…you’ve taught me to just be myself. that there was something special in me that for some reason you kept me around. you would take me to your friends house. tell me when im being an annoying ass and especially be there for me when no one else would. i owe you more than just a blog in a tumblr. i owe you every bit of happiness i have knowing you did your job in being someone for me to look up to. and yeah we’re family so you have no choice to love me unconditionally you would always use as a comeback. but you know i know you better than anyone. your my favorite cousin. more like the big sister ive always wished on having. but now i know.. that wish came true a long time ago on june 15,1992. happy belated birthday cj! i love you.